


Dragonslayer (Brand Alcohol™)

by DroppedAllTheseOreos



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid Fusion, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nipple Play, Scene Rewrite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-19 08:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19971193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DroppedAllTheseOreos/pseuds/DroppedAllTheseOreos
Summary: Overstressed and overworked, Kujo Kiriya has had it with his job, and goes on a drinking bender that leads to him getting lost in the woods. He's way too smashed to seriously take in what he finds, but at least he gets a new friend from it.





	Dragonslayer (Brand Alcohol™)

**Author's Note:**

> I've only seen one and a quarter episodes of Dragon Maid but I couldn't help imagining the scene where the main characters meet as Kiriphite, so it turned into this self-indulgent piece lol. (Also Graphite's dragon form is based off a Rathalos from Monster Hunter)
> 
> Here's the scene: [video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFJq8cCk788)

If murder wasn't illegal and a one-time event, Dan Kuroto would've been dead a hundred times over at this point. That was the main thought going through Kujo Kiriya's head as he stumbled along the road. It's what his awful boss deserved for throwing all the office's problems on him just because he was the only competent programmer in their section. On top of that, he was practically doing two people's jobs, since Dan kept handing him work from his subordinate, Parad. Kiriya knew the only reason Dan dumped all this work on him is because he and Parad were fucking and Kiriya may or may not have some very compromising drunk texts when Dan confused their numbers. And Kiriya may or may not have pretended to be Parad texting back for a few lines for a laugh, once he figured out what was going on. He hadn't deleted them yet because he wanted to hold onto them for a good chuckle if he needed it.

But, Kuroto thought he was saving the texts for blackmail, which lead up to his current predicament. The whole thing was stupid and unfair, and he wanted to go home at a reasonable time every night but his hubris to laugh in the face of the self-proclaimed god of their office was biting him in the ass. He might actually take the texts to HR if he was feeling particularly pissed tomorrow. He'd probably get fired, but at least there was a chance of taking Kuroto down with him, so, worth it. Blinking slowly, Kiriya noticed that the road he was walking down was definitely not cement and he fought to get his neck working so he could look around.

Ah, the woods, right.

He'd missed his stop and ridden the train to the end of the line, ending up somewhere in the middle of nowhere with nothing on him besides his briefcase and a bottle of Dragon Slayer sake. He was too manically happy from his drunkenness to care. But now his buzz was starting to fade. Blearily, he tried to figure out where he was and how to get home, distracting him from the giant roadblock ahead.

He slammed into it. It was hard and smooth, with just a little bit of give, but the impact threw him to the ground, regardless. With a grunt of pain, he sat there for a few moments, faintly noticing the low rumbling growl coming from whatever he ran into. He managed to get himself back to his feet after stumbling a little and looked up, vision swimming with green and red and gold. Blinking a few more times, he was able to focus and the blurry colors sharpened into a hulking, scaly form, with a giant sword sticking out of it and bright silvery eyes gleaming at him.

"What are you doing here, human?" The shape snarled at him, shining eyes narrowing suspiciously at him.

Kiriya's brow furrowed, and he blinked slowly, trying to get his brain to process what was happening before it clicked.

"Whoa! You're a dragon! Hug me!" He ran at the dragon with open arms, leaping and landing on its beak-like snout, clutching it as tightly as his wobbly limbs would allow.

Apparently, his grip wasn't enough, because he felt the surface underneath him shift and shake and his fingers slipped off smooth scales. The dragon tossed their head lightly, throwing him back to the ground.

"Leave me, you insolent human!" The dragon's eyes glinted furiously. "Or I'll turn you to cinders!" they roared.

The blast of air from the dragon's lungs blew Kiriya's hair everywhere, forcing him to close his eyes, and sliding his coat off his shoulders slightly, splattering him with some big gobs of saliva. He just blinked dazedly as he stared back up at the dragon once they were done. They breathed heavily for a few moments, still glaring at him like he was the cause of all their problems.

"Well, either way, I'll be dead soon, too." They flinched in pain. "I can't believe the last creature I'll have met is a human. How pathetic—"

"Oi." Kiriya barked. "Doesn't it get tiring talking like that?"

The dragon made a grunt of surprise. "It's gotta wear down on you, yeah?" Kiriya continued, shaking his jacket sleeve down to cover his hand and using it to sop up the spit that had coated his face and neck.

Another growl rumbled out of the dragon, they closed their eyes, seemingly fed up with him. Something distantly told him he ought to be running as fast as his wobbly legs could take him, but something about their demeanor intrigued him. He didn't have much time to dedicate to the thought before the shine of the moonlight on the sword distracted him. He fumbled his way over to it and almost fell over from leaning back to see the top of it. The sword was huge, even taller than the trees in this part of the woods. Kiriya couldn't tell how much of it was embedded in the dragon, but if they had enough energy to be all growly and snappy with him, it couldn't be too deep.

"You just need this pulled out?" He shouted over to them, pointing at it. The dragon jolted, and their head whipped around to look at him.

The dragon raised a brow in surprise. "Um, well yes, but—"

Kiriya jumped onto their flank, fingers scrabbling for purchase on the smooth, hard scales. All the while, the dragon protested, yelling about how this was a disgrace and demanding he get down. Ignoring all the complaints, Kiriya managed to hoist his way up their side and stood triumphantly on the dragon's back.

"Human!" They bellowed. "Get down, if you touch a god's sword your mind will be ripped to—"

Still paying them no mind, Kiriya slapped his hands onto the flats of the blade as if he caught it mid-swing.

The dragon's eyes widened as Kiriya grunted with effort.

"I don't care!" He pulled at the blade as best he could with his awkward position, and it shifted upwards a little. "If any gods out there exist," He leaned in closer to the edge to gain more leverage, straining with the effort. "Then at least one of them…" The sword shifted, and the dragon growled in pain, yelling for him to stop, but he paid them no mind, pulling with all his strength. "Could extend my FUCKING deadlines!" He yanked the sword free with an enraged scream towards the heavens.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion as the sword went flying, blood spurting from the wound and Kiriya tumbling off the dragon's back. The sword spiraled through the air for a few moments before it slammed into the underbrush with a thunderous crash, rattling the trees. After rolling head over heels down the dragon's tail, Kiriya hit the spiny, rough-scaled, wrecking ball-like end of it, throwing him off face down to the ground, punching the air from his lungs. He shakily turned himself over in the dirt and burst out laughing.

"Whoooo!" He cheered between giggles. "That was fun!"

The dragon's brow was furrowed as they stood frozen, shocked that the tiny human was able to survive and still be chipper about it. They watched as Kiriya stumbled to his feet, teetering over to where he dropped his briefcase and bottle of sake. He flopped back onto the ground, still giggling, his hand coming to rest on the neck of the bottle.

The dragon lowered their head to be on the human's level. "Um... Thank you. I am indebted to you—"

Kiriya suddenly scoffed. The dragon clucked their tongue in annoyance. They must've gotten upset with how much he'd been interrupting them. But they really didn't need to be so formal, and they were slowing things down.

"You don't have to be so polite!" Kiriya scolded. "You need to chill out!" He held up the bottle and shook it. "What do you want? Proper introductions?"

The dragon's eyes went wide again. "Um. I guess that would be good."

Kiriya wasn't sure what kind of gesture he made at himself, but he did feel a finger poking into his chest, so that was a good sign. "I'm Kiriya!" He announced.

"I'm Graphite..." The dragon said tentatively. An awkward silence stretched between them, the dragon eyeing him up and down with those big slit-pupils, and silver eyes. They were ridiculously gorgeous, and Kiriya felt a blush rise in his cheeks. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or if he was finally feeling self-conscious of the intense stare directed at him. When they seemingly decided he wasn't going to interrupt anymore, they continued. "As I was saying, I sustained that injury in battle with the gods, and I probably would've died if it weren't for you. So, I'm in your debt. I presume that you were unaffected by the mind-rending effects due to your lack of belief—"

"Ah!" Kiriya suddenly shouted. He really wanted to try and pay attention, but Graphite was saying so many things he didn't understand. They heaved an exasperated sigh and laid down in front of him. "Who cares about that!"

He poured out a drink and offered it up to Graphite. "C'mon! Drink with me! We can talk about our stories. I have a lot to say too!"

Another heavy sigh made his hair and coat go flying again, but somehow the alcohol managed to not spill. When he could open his eyes again, Graphite was staring at him judgmentally. Kiriya stared back, trying to stay determined and befriend this dragon, but he got distracted by their eyes again. He felt like he was getting drawn into them, and deep inside, there was something so terribly sad. Something hot and wet rolling down his face brought him back to reality, and he realized he'd been crying. Kiriya buried his face in his sleeve, trying not to sob.

"Why won't you hang out with me?" He whined. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to say, but it was the best he could come up with his mind in a haze like this. He wanted to see this dragon smile for some reason, and he wasn't going to stop until he figured it out.

Around his hiccups and choked breaths, he thought he heard a grumble, and suddenly the woods lit up with an orange-red glow. Blinking away his tears, he looked up just in time to see some kind of arcane circle in the air, spinning rapidly before it disappeared and the dragon's body began to glow. Then, Graphite burst apart into a swirl of flame before re-condensing into a humanoid shape. The still glowing humanoid landed in front of him. The light slowly faded, leaving behind a mostly naked human wrapped only in a brown cloak with a strategically placed opening off to the side.

Kiriya tried his best to keep from drooling over them because they were drop-dead gorgeous. Their hair fell in dark brown waves and was streaked with bright green here and there, contrasting with small white and gray horns poking out of it, arranged almost like a crown. Kiriya let his eyes trail down to lightly tanned skin and those brilliant silver eyes. Everything about their face seemed sharp and ferocious, but that might just be because of the harsh glare Graphite was sending his way and the little spikes and green scales adorning their cheeks and temples. After taking some more time to admire their beautiful cheekbones, his gaze trailed down their jawline to neck to what was visible of their body through the cloak's opening. Kiriya felt his face grow hot again as he took in well-defined pecs and abs, and the sweet hint of the curve of a hip bone when he noticed...

"Oh, are you a guy? I'm not used to dragons, so it was hard to tell."

Graphite's face soured even more, taking a look at themself, while a flash of movement caught Kiriya's eye. A tail. They had their tail in this form. It was smaller, more fit for their body like this, but it was still intimidating, all spines and rough scales, swinging agitatedly.

"Ugh, I hate using this spell." They grumbled. Then they met Kiriya's eyes again and nodded, "Yeah, I'm a guy." He stepped forward and sat gracefully, snatching the cup from Kiriya's hand and downing the drink smoothly.

"Ohhh!" Kiriya leaned in excitedly. "You're a really good drinker! This is good! We can party down, just us guys!"

Graphite's expression softened at this, going slack with surprise. "Oh, you're one too?"

"That's so rude, of course I am!" Kiriya fumed. "Lemme touch your chest as compensation!"

Graphite looked down at himself once more in confusion before meeting Kiriya's eyes, and there was something there he hadn't seen before. He wasn't able to figure it out before Graphite was smirking at him, opening the cloak and splaying himself out.

"Sure." He said casually.

"W-wait. You're serious?" Kiriya spluttered.

"I mean if you're too afraid…"

Kiriya scrambled over on hands and knees to get up in Graphite's space. He swallowed hard at how sweaty his palms were and rubbed them on his slacks in hopes of drying them off. Gathering his courage, he held a hand up and reached for one of Graphite's pecs. He stopped just before he touched it, looking back up for consent. Graphite's relaxed smirk didn't change, and he nodded once. Without breaking eye contact, Kiriya splayed his whole palm across the muscle.

Graphite was so warm. Kiriya wasn't sure what he was expecting, but he averted his eyes to watch his hand massaging at the soft, warm flesh in its grasp. Graphite hummed quietly as he worked, and as he gained confidence, he moved his other hand up to grab at the other pec. The dragon leaned back more, arching into his touch as he stroked across his collarbones and teased at his nipples.

After a while, Kiriya noticed Graphite shifting positions and stopped to watch him sit up so he could support himself without his hands on the ground. He reached out towards Kiriya's head, silently asking if it was okay to touch like he had before. Kiriya nodded and eagerly pressed up into his hand. Graphite's fingers tentatively stroked his hair before sinking into it and scratching against his scalp. Kiriya had never purred before and didn't think it was physically possible, but he came damn near close as Graphite carded his fingers through his hair.

Kiriya shuddered and leaned into the touch more and more, scooting closer to Graphite until he was leaned up against him, tucking his face against his neck.

He panted as he tried to keep up his exploration. He somehow managed to convince a dragon to let him touch, he was going to make the most of it. Graphite's hand found its home at the back of his neck, brushing against the shorter hairs back there and seemingly enjoying the sensation. He pressed light kisses against Graphite's neck in thanks for the attention, slowly drifting down and planting them across collarbones and shoulders.

Graphite shook against him as he pinched and played with a nipple in one hand and sloppily made out with his sternum, other hand wrapped around Graphite's back to support him, pull him closer, arching his back in a seductive way that opened the cloak even further and exposed his whole body.

Slowly, he gathered the sense to migrate downwards and use his mouth on a nipple. After some work, he managed to position himself underneath it. His lips were barely touching the skin, breath coming in hot puffs against it as his gaze moved up to watch the dragon's reactions. Graphite arched and shuddered at Kiriya's breath ghosting over sensitive skin but seemingly came back to himself and locked eyes with him. Kiriya stuck his tongue out, just barely touching the skin beneath the nipple, asking if this was okay one more time. Graphite stared down at him with wide silver eyes.

"Do it, human." He demanded.

And Kiriya got right to work. Pressing his tongue fully against the skin and dragging up until he caught against the bud. From there, he wrapped his lips around it and sucked, teasing with scrapes of teeth and swirling his tongue. Graphite was shaking, gripping onto his hair almost too tightly. The hand working on Graphite's other pec slid down to feel his abs and rub circles into his hip.

Kiriya pulled away to look up at the dragon's face again. He was all flushed and biting his lip harshly like he was trying to seem as if he wasn't enjoying it.

"You're so sensitive here." Kiriya breathed over the skin, causing Graphite to shudder again.

Graphite finally looked down and met his eyes, they were glazed over and shiny with lust.

"I'm… I'm not used to these human things."

Kiriya laughed harshly. "Honestly? Me neither. I haven't done anything like this in years."

Keeping eye contact, he kissed the pec he'd been slobbering over for the last few minutes and started moving down. He mouthed along ribs and smiled when he noticed Graphite's dick standing at attention. Kiriya thought he might've been drunk enough to be seeing double, so he slowly blinked as he directed his full focus on it. A thrill shot through him, there really were two. And they looked so strange but enticing. They were a soft pink that was growing redder as Kiriya teased the dragon more. The heads were bigger than the rest, almost orchid shaped, and the undersides of the shafts were lined with ridges and spikes that Kiriya felt hot imagining inside of him.

Maybe doing so much work in the office had finally paid off in good karma for him and he started shrugging off his coat. The hand in his hair tightened painfully and stopped him in his tracks.

"Hey, that hurt—!" Kiriya sat back up but saw Graphite's expression and immediately backed away.

Graphite looked like he was in pain. Kiriya wasn't sure what he did, but he started spouting apologies and backing up more. But Graphite's other hand shot out and grabbed onto his wrist to keep him from going too far. Kiriya's brow furrowed as he stared back at the dragon for answers.

"You're really drunk." Graphite started.

Kiriya gave him a sarcastic look but let him continue.

"I don't want you to be into this because you're drunk… I… I want you to because you want me."

The statement was an ice-cold shock to Kiriya's system, and he inhaled sharply. He stared at the open sincerity in Graphite's face and felt himself tearing up again. Even he wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying, but all he could say was that he was overwhelmingly happy in that moment.

"That's… the most beautiful thing… anyone's ever said to me." He sobbed.

Graphite remained silent and staring as he gradually calmed down and wiped his face on the inside of his coat. With a final sniffle, he nodded emphatically.

"Okay." He scooted closer and wrapped Graphite's cloak back around him tight like he was tucking him in for bed.

Graphite squirmed, "Wait you don't have to—"

Kiriya just shushed him and wrapped the cloak tighter before hugging him and stroking the top of his head. "I'll wait. I'll wait as long as you want me to."

Graphite kept squirming and protesting but eventually stilled as Kiriya kept stroking his hair. Once he stopped fighting, Kiriya pressed a kiss to the top of his head, clumsily knocking his face against Graphite's horns and noticing the moles and sunspots on the dragon's face for the first time. He kissed the one on his nose with a delighted laugh and shuffled back to sit down. There was a slight flush across Graphite's cheeks, and Kiriya could've sworn he saw a shy smile on his face.

"Well, come on! We can talk about stuff!" Kiriya shook the bottle of sake at him, grinning.

The dragon actually chuckled at him before offering the cup forward again.

And they talked. Kiriya complained about Kuroto and work and then explained his childhood in Osaka as Graphite slowly loosened up. Kiriya was too far gone to tell if it was from the alcohol or if he was genuinely feeling more comfortable around him, but it was nice, nonetheless. And in return, Graphite regaled him with stories about dragon hunters and elves and battles with gods. The moment he finally relaxed enough to full-on smile at Kiriya instead of the restrained half-smirk he'd been doing the whole night Kiriya just stared on in silent awe, wanting to stay in that moment forever. He didn't know why he wanted to make Graphite smile, but he loved it. Maybe it was because he was so stoic and Kiriya just wanted to mess all of that up. Break him down and see what made him tick. Plus, he felt weak every time Graphite smiled wide and opened his mouth to laugh, and he wanted more.

The sky started to lighten by the time they finished the bottle, and they were completely tired out, panting from all the laughing and shouting they'd done all night. Kiriya leaned back onto his hands and stared up at the sky.

"Ahh… Why am I so alone?"

He felt eyes on him and blinked at Graphite curiously.

"Me too." Graphite said softly.

"Hey…" Kiriya leveled him with a look as coherently as he could. "Forreals? You never had anyone?"

Graphite averted his eyes, scowling at the ground. "No. But I've always been alone. So, it's fine."

"Then…" Kiriya blinked lazily. "Do you wanna come to my place?"

Graphite stared at him with open wonder for a few moments, but it didn't fully register in Kiriya's mind. There was a twinge of worry that he said something weird, but it was dulled by the alcohol, so he just kept staring blankly, waiting for an answer.

"I do." The dragon nodded once enthusiastically, trembling with something that could've been excitement.

Kiriya smiled softly at him. "Cool. I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Graphite's face fell. "What do you mean?"

"Can you move with your wound? I don't think I can carry you, but I can try."

He crawled over to Graphite, grabbing at his waist and clumsily trying to lift the dragon. It turned into more of a squirmy hug, but the dragon seemed touched that an attempt was made.

"You're right…" he said mournfully. "I can't. But I might be better by morning."

"Good!" Kiriya clapped him on the shoulder. "See you then."

Kiriya shuffled back and collected his things to head home.

Graphite waved slightly. "Yeah… see you then."

…

Kiriya awoke, somehow safely in bed with a pounding headache. He groaned and rolled out of bed slowly, taking a minute to look at his phone. Normally, his eyes would've bugged out at the time, but he was still feeling too sluggish and in pain to muster up that reaction. He stumbled through his apartment, going through the motions of getting ready for the day. By the time he was heading for the door, he felt good enough to start rushing and swung open the door to giant, silvery eyes staring him down, and green scales glistening in the sunlight.

He stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of this beast before a big orangey-red sigil appeared, the dragon glowing and shrinking until a humanoid shape landed on the apartment walkway.

The man standing in front of him felt familiar, but he couldn't place him. And the clothes he was wearing were strange and multicolored and kind of awful on his headache.

"Hey, Kiriya." He shrugged and grinned nervously. "Um… I made it..."

Kiriya stared in awe at the man in his doorway.

What the hell did he do last night?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


End file.
